More Than Meets the Eye Season 2: Review (No Spoilers)

There were moments I wanted to stop reading. I’ve never felt that way about at a Transformers comic before.

I’ve read boring Transformers stories, and bad ones too, but none of them made me feel the way I felt during selected issues from James Roberts’ second “season” of Transformers: More Than Meets The Eye (Volumes 6-10 of the trade paperbacks, encompassing Issues #28-55). It was a physical desire to close the book and not read any further. It was a feeling of being, not shocked exactly, but offended in some vague and unnameable way, of having my expectations gently but unmistakeably violated--this is not the book I paid good money to read.

I’m glad I stuck it out. I’m also glad James stuck it out. He weathered a lot of criticism on this arc. The online reaction to many of the later issues in the arc --particularly the mid-forties issues--seemed to be a mix of anger, confusion and disappointment.

I’m also glad I’d read some of the online reaction and even some of the spoilers. By knowing going in it might not be what I wanted, I was able to let go of the story I wanted to read and pay attention to the story Roberts was telling.

To me, that story is about the choices we make when we’re pulled between principles and people. What do we do when faced with a conflict between the values we hold most dear and the ones closest to us…and at what point does upholding our commitment to one cross the line into a betrayal of the other? It was a question that all the significant characters--both hero and villain--faced at some point.

Roberts’ approach to characterization felt odd in this arc. Sometimes it felt like his cast was too large, and other times it felt like it wasn’t large enough--like he was ignoring the rest of the Lost Light’s crew in favor of a handful of characters who often didn’t appear to be doing anything of significance, plot-wise.

But despite Roberts reputation for meticulous set-ups and pay-offs, I don’t think Roberts’ focus was the plot. I don’t think character was his focus either. Roberts writes great character moments and many of them happen in this arc. Still, characterization--at least in the ‘following a protagonist or group of protagonists as they journey from A to B to C’ sense of the term--takes a back seat.

Theme holds together this arc of More Than Meets the Eye. If you’re reading for plot or character, then it’s a disjointed and frustrating experience. But if you’re looking at the story thematically, it all…well, it doesn’t come together, not exactly…but each piece plays off the others. We get a multifaceted look at the interaction between character choice and consequences, each ornament tied to the others by the thematic string of loyalty and betrayal. Multiple characters face this issue in large ways and small. Again and again, we watch different characters with different personalities in different context grapple with the same fundamental question: Megatron. Rodimus. Trailcutter. Whirl. Getaway. Nautica. Tarn. Nightbeat. Overlord. Censere. Ravage. The Scavengers. Deathsaurus.

It was uncomfortable reading. Often characters  I liked made decisions I didn’t. Or they made a decision I agreed with, but the consequences of that decision weren’t what I hoped. Other times it was Roberts’ writing that challenged me. Intentionally or not, his offbeat structural, plotting, or narrative choices that intentionally or not, left me in the same position as the characters: this franchise isn’t doing what I think it should be doing. Do I stick with it or not?

It was hard reading--and I’m looking forward to reading it again.

The Transformers: Not Buddhists In Disguise

 To no one's surprise who reads this blog, I've been thinking about the Transformers again lately.

The comics, not the movies, and I've especially been thinking about them in the context of Buddhism.

Buddhism is fueled by the idea of change, of impermanence. It was born as a response to the inevitable human conditions of old age, sickness, and death.

Transformers are less vulnerable to those conditions. Individual Cybertronians measure their years in the millions. Parts can be replaced, fallen friends rebuilt.

In that context, how possible for them is any lasting change? Less bound by the positive and negative feedback of irreversible consequences, what motivation is there for real growth, for permanently ceasing hostilities, for Megatron to permanently change his ways, for the Autobots to break their dependence on Optimus Prime to come back yet again to save them, for Starscream to stop wash-rinse-repeating his cycle from ambition to self-destruction, for Hot Rod to mature and temper his recklessness?

The Transformers' situation is practically a meta-comment on comic book characters in general.

Consider Spider-Man. For over fifty years his life has been a never-ending barrage of villains, clones, costume changes, secret wars, deaths, rebirths, alternate timelines, crossovers, team-ups, and World Shaking Events...only to be eternally, inexorably reeled back by the slow gravity of the status-quo.

What would that do to a being, do you think?

Transformers: The Budiansky Years (Part 3)

“I find it hard to believe you’re as cold and heartless as your race thinks we Autobots are.”

-Skids to Donny Finkleberg, Transformers #22

I used to resent Optimus Prime.

He was too perfect. Mighty warrior. Wise philosopher. Skilled diplomat. All-around goody-two shoes.

How could anyone live up to that? And if they could, how could that kind of person even be interesting?

I was a cynical kid.

Modern Transformers comics play up the war between the Autobots and Decepticons. They also go deeper into the politics of the war--the influences that shaped it, the characters that ignited it, the way it came to be.

What they don’t do, at least not to the same extent as Budiansky did, is emphasize the practical difference between the two sides.

Autobots believe in preserving and defending life. Decepticons believe in conquering it.

Autobots will even stop in mid-battle to protect human and other lives. Avoiding human casualties proves to be the undoing of Skids in #19 (Command Performances!"). In issue #16 ("Plight of the Bumblebee!"), Bumblebee even prioritized helping humans over saving fellow Autobot Jetfire--a sharp contrast to modern Transfomers comics where Bumblebee describes the risks to three humans who are exploring the Decepticon base below as “acceptable losses” (Transformers: Infiltration, #4).

In Issue #24 ("Afterdeath!") of the 80s comic book, while conducting a battle in a video game world, Optimus Prime would rather be destroyed than put even virtual lives at risk. It’s a decision that seemed idealistic, stupid, and nonsensical at the time, especially since his suicidal adherence to his own code of conduct endangers REAL lives since he was essentially taking himself out of the picture and thus giving the Decepticons an enormous advantage.

Meanwhile, in the 2014 movie  Transformers: Age of Extinction movie, Optimus Prime intends to kill the humans that are hunting Transformers.

You've come a long way, baby.

Part of the change--at least in the comics-- is that the audience for Transformers comics has aged. But I also think our attitude towards civilian casualties has changed in the decades since the Transformers first came on the scene. We view them as a regrettable, but necessary part of modern war, assuming we even think of them at all.

I am so used to the current worldview that I didn’t even notice how my attitude changed until I reread the 80s comics and realized how often Budiansky’s Autobots were putting the protection of life ahead of strategic advantage.

It was…a sobering realization.

Optimus Prime’s credo is “Freedom is the Right of All Sentient Beings”…an odd amalgam of Reagan-era American jingoism (The right to be free) and the Buddhist bodhisattva vows (To liberate all sentient beings).

Red, white (okay, silver), and blue coloring aside, I like to think of Optimus as having at least one giant steel foot the latter camp. Compassion is often described as one of his core traits, which is central to Mahayana Buddhism. Enlightened beings are also credited with discernment and wisdom, which Optimus possessed in abundance (Letting himself getting blown up over a videogame notwithstanding). They are also sometimes describe as having extraordinary powers although our Autobodhisattva would be the first endowed with the ability to remake his body into the form of an eighteen-wheeler.

And of course, there is the core of the Bodhisattva vows, to remain on Earth, forsaking Nirvana for oneself until all beings are liberated from the suffering brought about by the Three Poisons.  Optimus Prime also chooses to take up the mantle of Earth’s suffering, fighting to defend the planet.

If we’re going to go all-in on Transformers and Buddhist iconography, we can even make a case for each of Budiansky’s first three Decepticon leaders embodying one of the Three Poisons--Greed (power-hungry Megatron), Ignorance (Shockwave and his cold indifference), and Fear (the miserly Ratbat).

Move over Pali canon, there’s some new sutras in town. One of them is about a car wash that hypnotizes people.

Its all happening, baby.

There are things to criticize about Bob Budiansky’s Transfomers comics. Some of them were childish (Sky Lynx taking kids to a space carnival). Some of the premises were cheesy (The mind-controlling car wash, although let‘s face it, Stephen King would make hay with something like that.). And the less said about ‘Brick Springstern’ the better.

But his focus on characters’ personal stories, the way human and robot change each other, and a dedication to the natural conflict between those fighting to preserve life and those indifferent to them makes for much richer reading than one might first guess.

They might not be what we think Transformers should be about. But the storytelling is solid. And once you realize what you’re looking at, they‘re far from boring.

(*) There was a monk who got turned into a fox though. So it’s not like there isn’t SOME precedent.

Transformers: The Budiansky Years (Part 2)

“These robots are prone to highly imitative behavior when exposed to humans.”

-Circuit Breaker, Transformers #23 (Decepticon Graffiti)

The first panel of Bob Budiansky’s first Transformers issue (#5) shows us a full page panel of a black and white episode of the Honeymooners. The next page Is another single-page panel that shows the Honeymooners episode is playing on just one of a number of televisions, each tuned to a different channel. In addition to the black and white sitcom, we see news brodcasts, game shows, and sports broadcasts. And standing before the screens watching…the cyclopean Decepticon commander Shockwave.

“Very illuminating,” he says.

In these opening two panels on these opening two pages, Budiansky introduces us to a theme that he will return to again and again--the effect of the humans and Transformers on each other’s worlds and worldviews.

Humans have been part of the Transformers story from the beginning. The Witwickys--staples of both the comics and the cartoon--were introduced before Budiansky began writing and continued to be a part of it after he left.

But Budiansky added many more characters of his own creation. Billionaire energy industrialist GB Blackrock and Josie Beller are introduced in #5 (via one of the televisions Shockwave is watching). Blackrock becomes an ally of the Autobots while Beller turns into the vengeful Circuit-Breaker.

.Selfish and neurotic comic book writer Donny Finkelberg is introduced in Issue #15 and slowly undergoes a change of heart from self-centered, self-loathing and greedy to making a gesture of altruism at personal cost to himself at the end of Issue #23.

Other human characters enter the comic and disappear as quickly as they appear. Like many of the Transformers themselves, human characters burst into the story for an issue or two and then vanish from the book--and unlike the Transformers they don’t even get the benefit of the occasional one or two panel cameo appearance in the background of crowd or battle scenes. If G.B. Blackrock is the human equivalent of Grimlock, Blaster, or Bumblebee then characters like Ricky Vasquez (Issue #21, ) are Gears or Huffer (*)

But although their encounters with the Transformers are brief, their lives are changed from their contact with the Cybertronians.

There’s Joey Slick (“Shooting Star!” Issue #13) who goes from loser to losing himself while becoming rich and then finding himself and his own inner courage, thanks to the unwilling…and unwitting…help of Megatron.

There’s hot headed Jake Dalrymple (Issues #19 and 20) who pursues Skids after the Autobot scrapes his car. Dalrymple’s interference ends up in Skids near destruction at the hands of Ravage but in the end (after finally listening to his girlfriend Frannie), Dalrymple courageously rams the Decepticon with his car, saving Skids and Charlene.

Issue #20 also features Small town-girl Charlene  (not to be confused with research assistant Charlie from Issues #29-30 who helps Blaster and Goldbug overcome the Scraplets) who ends up having a star-crossed, if chaste romance with Skids (although the panels where she washes him in his vehicle mode are suggestive --it‘s not a Whitesnake video, but it‘s pretty close for a kids‘ comic book).

And the change goes both ways. The Transformers are also shaped by their encounters with the humans.

From trucker Bomber Bill (Issue #10, “The Next Best Thing To Being There!”) to rock star Brick Springstern (Issue #14, “Rock and Roll-Out!“) to dishonest used car salesman Big Steve (Issue #32, “Used Autobots”),  the Transformers and humans are agents of change in one another’s lives.

We mostly see these two-way relations with the Autobots, but the Decepticons are not immune. Megatron is duly impressed by Joey Slick’s courage in “Shooting Star,” while  in less noble fashion, The Battlechargers Runabout and Runamuck are inspired by the sight of a misbehaving child to abandon their assigned mission in favor of a cross country vandalism spree defacing American national monuments (Issue #23, “Decepticon Graffiti.”)

In Budiansky’s world, Transformers and humans are continuously surprising each other. In each other they find things to admire, things that are disappointing, and things that inspire them. Organic or robot, each of them gains a new perspective on their world from their time spent in the world of the other.

In short, they transform one another.

The comic is about exactly what its title tells us it is. The nature of that transfomation though…well, sometimes that’s about more than meets the eye.

(*) Which still puts them a step above Windcharger or Trailbreaker.

Transformers:The Budiansky Years (Part 1)

Given that that I’ve written a whole slew of fictional counselling sessions with them, it’s probably no surprise I’m a fan of the Transformers. I’ve loved them since I was a kid.

What might be surprising is that in spite of the fact I collected the Marvel comics run from #1 into the early thirties, for the most part, I often found those comics boring.

Too much people. Not enough giant robots fighting.

The writer on most of those comics was a fellow named Bob Budiansky, Budiansky created the backstories and names for most of the Transformers and took over writing duties on the comic starting with Issue #5. Years later, another writer, Simon Furman, took over the book. Furman’s run on the Transformers is considered a high point of the series. Most modern Transformers comics are still built on the foundation laid by Simon Furman: galactic scale warfare, tribal politics, the meaning of leadership, forays into mysticism and religion, and a Cybertronian-centric narrative.

But revisiting those Budiansky issues recently, I have a new appreciation for his stories. They were different from what I wanted at the time, but rereading he first thirty or so issues of his run on Transformers I notice three recurring points of focus: smaller-scale personal stories, the interaction between humans and Transformers, and an emphasis on morality.

Although Transfomers is ostensibly about a multi-million year old, galaxy-spanning robot war, Budiansky tended to use the war as a setting for his stories rather than as the story itself. Most of his best stories featured only one or two protagonists struggling with a specific problem or limitation.

Sometimes he would do this by isolating characters.

For example, from issue #5 to Issue #8 when he rediscovers the Dinobots (*), Ratchet is the ONLY Autobot character in the comic, the rest having been incapacitated since Issue #4. It’s hard to have story about a war between giant robot armies when one of the armies has only ONE member, and a medic, at that.

But the story is not about the galactic war. It is about Ratchet finding a way to rescue his friends in the face of insurmountable odds and his own self-doubt…and defeating Megatron, the mightiest of Decepticons in the process (**).

In a similar fashion, Bumblebee is isolated (although by choice, feeling he is a liability to the group)  in Issue #16. Skids is the only Autobot in Issue #20 (“Showdown!”) and Ravage the only Decepticon to make a physical appearance (although Megatron shows up in a dream sequence). In issue #13 (“Shooting Star!”), Megatron is the lone Transformer to appear, and he is locked in gun mode for most of the issue--the protagonist of the story is a human, turning the Transformers into side characters in their own comic.

Even when there are numerous characters in the story, the emotional arc often centers around just one or two characters. A number of Autobots are in on the action in issue #10, but the story’s emotional arc(and climactic moment) revolves around Huffer and his homesickness.

Similarly, issues #17 and 18 introduce us to a number of new Autobots and Decepticons who are fighting on Cybertron, but the war is not the story. The war is the setting. The story is the story of Blaster, an Autobot defying orders to first rescue, then avenge his friend Scrounge, an Autobot labelled as useless, but who ends up both discovering crucial information and dying courageously for the Autobot cause.

The Decepticons, as the villains, tend to get less in the way of personal treatment, but Budiansky does attempt to make the Decepticon leaders distinct from one another:

Shockwave, Megatron’s rival for command of the Decepticons, is coldly logical, a strong contrast to the more hot-blooded Megatron. Meanwhile one of the most unique of the Decepticon high command is the (by Transformer standards) diminutive Ratbat, whose leadership style is more in keeping with a penny-pinching bureaucrat than a bloodthirsty conqueror (***).

Even Megatron, whose personality for the most part is indistinguishable from countless other villainous would-be despots, has his moments. Issue #25 is focused around Megatron’s inability to accept the death of Optimus Prime in the previous issue. Whether the denial is brought about by a twisted form of grief at the loss of the foe that has defined his existence for four million years or the blow to Megatron’s ego that it was a human and not the Decepticon leader who killed Prime, the result adds an interesting, if unexpected, layer of depth to a previously one-dimensional character.

I love the way story reveals character now. But back in 1986 I wanted to see more robots, more fighting, and More Than Meets The Eye.

I also wanted to see less of something in my Transformers comics.

That something was humans.

We’ll tackle that in Part 2

(*) Issue #8 also featured the Dinobots being beaten by two different opponents less than fifteen pages apart despite a five-to-one numerical advantage. Their next appearance was for two panels eleven issues later when they quit the Autobots and they didn’t show up again until #27. Grimlock and Co. might be signature characters in Transformers comic book lore, but they got off to an underwhelming start to say the least.

(**) It also established a link between Ratchet and Megatron which would be revisited later in the series by Furman, a link that probably wouldn’t have happened without Budiansky’s story. But it’s a brilliant storytelling juxtaposition. Optimus Prime and Megatron are ideological opposites, but they are both powerful warriors and leaders. Ratchet on the other hand is far lesss-powerful, charismatic, and lower in the command structure not to mention a medical officer and non-combatant. The difference between Autobot and Decepticon philosophies is not best embodied by the difference between Optimus Prime and Megatron. It’s embodied in the difference between Megatron and RATCHET.

(***)When the Decepticons launch a successful surprise assault on the Autobots, Ratbat rejoices at the ambush’s energy efficiency, exclaiming: “What a banner day this will become in the annals of Decepticon fuel accounting!” It’s no “Kneel before Zod,” that‘s for sure.

More Than Meets The Mind--Episode 13: Razorclaw (Decepticon)

RAZORCLAW: It was the most awesome battle I’ve been privileged to be a part of. The denizens of Charon should be grateful.

That’s an interesting perspective.

Those that survived will be talking about that battle for the rest of their lives. It’s the most significant thing that has ever happened to that backwater and the only thing it will be remembered for.

The survivors described it as the most hellish day of their lives.

The most hellish moment of their lives? It was glorious. It was the best thing that could ever have happened to them.

I don’t---

Let me tell you about my day.

This morning, Starscream pulled me aside for a “frank talk about the direction of the Decepticon cause “ and to not-so-subtly gauge my level of support for his potential leadership.

Next, I had a meeting with Ratbat about Predaking’s energy expenditure. We came in well under-budget, and were summarily rewarded by having next cycle’s budget cut by fifteen percent since we “obviously didn’t need it.’

Then  I spent three hours with Onslaught as he outlined his strategic plans for the defense of Fakkus--a planet, incidentally, that we cannot defend as it is not currently held by us and that we have no intention of capturing as it is in the middle of Autobot space and has a strategic value of exactly zero.

 Finally, Drag Strip approached me because Motormaster was--and I quote--”mean to him.” He said that as a Decepticon warrior, he should not be subject to bullying and asked about transferring from the Stunticons to the Predacons. When I told him that we were not seeking new additions, he told me he could defeat my current team with one arm missing.

What happened?

I tore off his arm and gave him the opportunity to prove it. Headstrong, Tantrum, and Rampage ripped him to pieces and Divebomb dropped the remains off Polyhex tower. It was the high point of my day.

I see.

Do you? Because now I have to attend a disciplinary review board convened for next week. Instead of thanking me for backing him up, Motormaster  lodged a formal complaint with Shockwave that I undermined him and exceeded my authority by disciplining troops under his command.

Charon was not hellish. Charon was beautiful.

Hell is middle management.

More Than Meets The Mind: Robot Therapist -- Episode 12: Sunstreaker (Autobot)

How are you feeling?

SUNSTREAKER: About what?

About...this. Being held here.

SUNSTREAKER: I don't understand why you're keeping me. I should be out there being seen.

Being seen?

SUNSTREAKER: I'm the best warrior the Autobots have. People need to know I'm out there protecting them. The Decepticons need to see and fear me. The other Autobots can't do it without me.

 I spoke with your brother. He's very protective of you.

SUNSTREAKER: I don't get why. I don't need protection. I can handle myself. How long do I have to stay here, anyway?

 As of yet, that remains to be seen. Earlier you said you aren't sure why you're here. Could you hazard a guess to why you might be being held?

SUNSTREAKER: Not really. Politics, I guess. Something to do with Charon.

You're on the right track. These psychological interviews are being conducted as part of a multi-planetary inquiry into the effects of the Cybertronian Civil War on other sentient races, and the Battle of Charon, specifically. What do you remember about Charon?

SUNSTREAKER: I remember when we got there, it was a total clusterfuck. Thank Primus I was there to clean up the mess.

 Some would say your actions on Charon were...excessive.

SUNSTREAKER:  Excessive? That's impossible.

What makes you say that?

SUNSTREAKER: I'm an Autobot. We're the good guys.

Ah.

SUNSTREAKER: Did you see the Charon footage?

Yes. Yes, I did.

SUNSTREAKER: What did you think?

It's important to you what I think?

SUNSTREAKER: You saw it. Tell me that wasn't the most awesome deployment you've ever seen.

Being seen as awesome means a lot to you.

 SUNSTREAKER: Did you see how I came in? Landed, came up firing in midtransformation. Took out five Decepticons before my feet hit the ground.

Witness reports say two. Kickback and Octane.

SUNSTREAKER: It was five. At least five. maybe, six. Those witnesses were wrong.

Were they wrong about the civilian casualties?

SUNSTREAKER: Civilians?

The civilians killed or injured in the course of your attack.

SUNSTREAKER: They were in the way. We're at war.

Wintess reported one one killed and three injured from the impact of your landing. Four killed by your weapon when you opened fire on the Decepticons. Could the witnesses have been right about that?

SUNSTREAKER: I don't know. They could've been. I don't really remember. I was dealing with the Decepticons.

You don't remember at all.

SUNSTREAKER: I remember they were there. But I wasn't really paying attention.

There are some who consider your actions a war crime. How would you respond to that?

SUNSTREAKER: I'd say they're crazy. That's impossible.

It's impossible that civilians were killed?

SUNSTREAKER: No, I mean it's impossible that I committed a war crime.

Why is that?

SUNSTREAKER: Because I'm an Autobot. I'm one of the good guys.

More Than Meets The Mind: Robot Therapist -- Episode 11: Ravage (Decepticon)

Hello, Ravage. I've been expecting you.

...

There is no need to hide from me. I know you're there.

...

Have it your way. I imagine you've been sent to try and access my interview notes. Certainly, I can see why. Although, if you'll permit me a question, is it the information on the Autobots you are most interested in or your fellow Decepticons?

RAVAGE: (Growls)

Have it your way. Since you're here, would you like to conduct a session?

RAVAGE: (hisses)

I thought not. Nevertheless, it is imperative I speak to you at some point. Schedule yourself at your convenience on your way out.

It was a pleasure to see you.

More Than Meets The Mind: Robot Therapist -- Episode 10: Wheeljack (Autobot)

WHEELJACK:  Skywarp.

The guy can teleport. How does he DO that?

I've been thinking about it non-stop. It's the ONLY thing I can think of. Every project I'm working on has fallen behind.

Short-distance teleportation is impossible. Hell, LONG distance teleportation is impossible without a Space-Bridge and those need to much space and use too much energy to be compacted down to an onboard version. Plus a space-bridge needs a station at both ends of the jump.

Skywarp doesn't. He can go anywhere he wants within a short range. Line of sight maybe? In the air? I've never seen him go air-to-ground or through a wall. But does that mean he can't? Is it just the limits of my observation? There are so many questions, the biggest one being how the fuck did he figure out how to do it in the first place?

Skywarp is a moron. When it comes to scientific and technical acumen he makes Sludge look like Perceptor.

I'm sorry. You're asking me about Charon.

I know the answers you want to hear.

I know the things that SHOULD bother me: The destruction, the loss of life, the senselessness of it all. Beings are dying, planets are being ripped apart, whole galaxies are threatened by our war. I've seen death, destruction, horrors unimaginable.

But over and over, now matter how much I try to care about those things, to make myself remember how they used to make me feel years ago, I can't.

The only thing I keep coming back to, the only thing I can make myself feel anything for is Skywarp's teleportation ability.

How does he do it?



More Than Meets The Mind: Robot Therapist -- Episode 9: Smokescreen (Autobot)



SMOKESCREEN: I hear Red Alert has been giving you the gears. Sorry about that. You know how he is. There are times I think he should be coming to see you himself.

Unfortunately, I can't help anyone who doesn't want to be helped. Even those who are manadated to see me...well, they can be ordered to come, but they can't be ordered to tell me anything they don't want to.

SMOKESCREEN: Must be frustrating.

It's part of the job. I learned long ago to keep my personal feelings out of it.


SMOKESCREEN: Personally, I think you do good work. I don't know if you know this, but I'm the sort of guy people like to talk to. I'm a good listener, but sometimes people tell me stuff I don't know how to deal with. I'm glad they have you now. It makes my job a little easier.

Thank you.

SMOKESCREEN: I'd like to see this project keep going. I know you've faced some opposition, and I'd like to help you. I'm not exactly one of the top brass, but...well, like I said--they listen to me. If there's anything I can do to help, let me know.

I'll keep that in mind. Of course, I'm not stupid.

SMOKESCREEN: Say again?

I'm well aware of your specialty. I'm also quite familiar with the good cop-bad cop routine.

SMOKESCREEN: Curses, foiled again. Well...out of professional curiosity, how's my good cop?

You are very likable.

SMOKESCREEN: I'm tempted to ask for a reference. Got a performance review coming up.

You have a sense of humor. That's rare among Transformers.

SMOKESCREEN: I'm serious. I'm willing to help you, any way I can. If there was something you could give me, something to maybe get Red Alert of your back, so you can do your job in peace...

You're doing it again.

SMOKESCREEN: Can't blame a guy for trying. That being said,I'm not kidding. I think it's important work. There are a lot of us, who would like to see this war end. I'm sure you've even talked to a couple. Maybe even on both sides. Anyway, I'm not going to pry into your business. Just letting you know I'm here, if you need someone to go to bat for you.

I appreciate that.

More Than Meets The Mind: Robot Therapist -- Episode 8: Various (Autobots, Decepticons)

SESSION: ONSLAUGHT (Decepticon)



ONSLAUGHT: Ultimately, the responsibility for the escalation of the Charon incident from skirmish to debacle rests on my shoulders.

I should never have sent Blast Off to deal with the Autobot Cosmos. I should have anticipated the possibility of a casualty among the Constructicons that would leave them unable to combine.

It was a regrettable tactical error.



##########################################################

SESSION: COSMOS (Autobot)



COSMOS: Charon was all my fault.

I got there a little after the shuttle I called in. I was still assessing the situation when Blast-Off Came at me.

I panicked.

I thought there were hordes of Decepticons when there was only that first wave and then the Combaticons arriving as support.

Instead of calling in enough people to deal with the situation, I called in everybody.

That's when things started to get out of hand. That's when everything started to go wrong.

And I have no one to blame but myself.



#########################################################

SESSION: BLAST-OFF (Decepticon)

BLAST-OFF: It pains me to admit that Charon was my fault.

I...underestimated Cosmos abilities. Who would have thought such a laughable creature to be so capable of combat and evasion.

I should not have given him the opportunity I did.

He humiliated me. The next time I see him, he won't be so fortunate.



##########################################################

SESSION: TRAILBREAKER (Autobot)



TRAILBREAKER: Charon was all my fault.

If I'd been faster, they wouldn't have been able to call for back-up. We'd never have had to deal with anything beyond Soundwave and his unit, the Seekers and the Constructicons.

I should have been faster getting my shield up. Instead, Skywarp came out of nowhere and took me out before I could jam Soundwaves call to the Combaticons.

I keep replaying that moment, over and over. I can't get away from it.

Can't get away from knowing that everything that happened after was all on me.



##########################################################

SESSION: SKYWARP (Decepticon)

SKYWARP: It was all Thundercracker's fault.



More Than Meets The Mind: Robot Therapist -- Episode 7: Red Alert (Autobot)

I can't give you that information.

RED ALERT: What can you give me?

Nothing, I'm afraid. I operate outside your authority.

RED ALERT: You are seeing both Autobots and Decepticons. You are privy to potentially sensitive information. As Security Director that falls directly under my authority.

I am an indepedent counsel. I have been appointed precisely BECAUSE I am independent. Your war has been causing great damage--both to your civilization and ones that have been drawn into your conflict. And while I will do everything to reassure you, there are some steps I simply cannot take.

RED ALERT: I want to know the names of the Transformers you're seeing. I am willing to allow you to keep the transcripts confidential, but I would prefer to know who they are. I would also like access to anything an Autobot says so that I know there are no breaches.

I can't give you that information.

RED ALERT: What can you give me?

....

RED ALERT: That's what I thought.

I have been nothing but forthcoming with you about the security precautions I have taken to ensure utmost confidentiality for all my clients.

RED ALERT: It's not enough. I need more than that.

I want more too. Some Autobots, even some of those who have been mandated to see me, are being reluctant. It would assist me greatly to have more than limited access to their files. I could help them better.

RED ALERT: I bet you would.

It's no secret. I want any information that will help me do my job better. But of course, for obvious reasons, those files must remain closed. I understand, and I accept it. But you, Red Alert, how good are you at accepting things beyond your control?

RED ALERT: This isn't about me.

You're not the first to have said that. It is my contention that statement is wrong. We all want to believe we are cogs in a greater machine, that we have no choice but to be swept along by events. It is about our ideals, our manifest destiny, or belief that freedom is the right of all sentient beings. It's none of those things. The war between the Autobots and Decepticons continues because individual Transformers choose to fight.

RED ALERT: Then what about you? What's YOUR motivation? Why are YOU choosing to stand between us? What is it that you want?

You're suspicious of my motives.

RED ALERT: Answer the questions.

Very well, then. In order: Your first question is too vague to answer. My motivation is to do my job to the best of my abilities. I stand here because I have been contracted to do so...a contract that was agreed upon by both Autobot AND Decepticon high command as well as by an independent body. And I want your conflict to end, as do races througout the galaxies. Your war has brought them millennia of pain. But ultimately, it is not up to me. It is up to you. Does that satisfy you?

RED ALERT: I won't be satisfied until I'm satisfied. I want to know everything about you. I want to know what's in those files. I also want to inspect and approve your security procedures. You may think they're secure, but the Decepticons are called Decepticons for a reason. Many have underestimated their abilities to their sorrow.

I'll take my chances.

RED ALERT: Not with the safety of my people and the beings we're sworn to protect. I'll get my answers. One way or another.

More Than Meets The Mind: Robot Therapist -- Episode 6: Ratbat (Decepticon)



RATBAT: Do you know what this war is all about?

Economics.

It’s not good and evil. It’s not protection versus conquest. It's not about peace through tyranny or the rights of sentient beings or any of the pretty philosophical justifications that make blowing our fellow Transformers to pieces feel more palatable.

It’s all about energy. Lack of energon is the only thing that can stop Transformers. We do not pass on from old age. We do not suffer from illness. Even in combat, we are difficult to destroy permanently. We can be revived as long as we have sufficient energy.

We should not be engaging in pointless battles. And Charon was a pointless battle. It was a strategically unimportant mudhole, yet we let it escalate into a wasteful expenditure of precious resources.

We should be bleeding the Autobots dry, forcing them to use energy while saving our own. This is a war of attrition, not of grand battles. We should be fighting it as such. But of course, that would not be the Decepticon way.

You sound unconvinced of the Decepticons current course.

RATBAT: The Decepticons are inefficient. There is a different between winning and victory. Winning requires brute force. Victory requires forethought, planning, assessing situations and setting objectives. Victory requires a plan, something our current leadership doesn’t have.

You have a plan?

RATBAT: Of course.

Do you think you should lead the Decepticons?

There is no leadership for the Decepticons. Our leadership structure is flawed. Our tradition has always been the strongest rules until displaced by someone even more powerful. That’s not leadership--it’s bullying. It’s irrational. And if it continues, it will be our downfall.

Do you think these feelings may be connected with the fact that you are one of the smallest, slowest, and least combat-capable of the Decepticons?

RATBAT: Absolutely not. These are not FEELINGS. These are facts. This is simply rational analysis. It has nothing to do with me.

You sound angry.

RATBAT: I am not angry. But I am starting to doubt your capabilities. You seem to believe that our feelings are somehow relevant. How do I feel about my lack of stature? How does Laserbeak feel about Soundwave’s disappearance? How does Megatron feel about being a megalomaniac who won’t listen?

If you want damaged psyches to poke through, save it for the Stunticons. I am about finding the most efficient and effective way to win victory for the Decepticons. My personal feelings have nothing to do with anything.

Nothing at all.